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BARON: FUR IS GONNA FLY

THE WEAPONS

Give it the old what-ho and really stick it to your enemies.

image of anvil Anvil

It's an age-old idea - drop something heavy on your opponent.

The modern aircraft is a spankingly good contraption for positioning oneself above one's opponent. A well-timed anvil release sends hundreds of pounds of cast-iron plumeting perilously from above. A direct hit, generally accompanied by an audible *donk*, is usually enough to send the unfortunate victim spiralling to the ground.

Not subtle, but definitely brutal.

Tip: Try diving down on a target for improved accuracy!

image of ballbearing Ballbearings

Sometimes you have enemies all around you.

The ballbearings will launch a dangerous array of small metal balls in all directions. These balls are hazardous to anything that flies.

The weapon is considered most effective at short range, before the balls spread widely apart in a circular pattern

However, it's easy to underestimate the ballbearings. The balls fall slowly, staying dangerous until they reach the ground. Even a single ball can bring down an already-damaged aircraft, long after you fire it.

Tip: Try releasing at extremely close range, to overwhelm an aircraft with multiple hits. The damage inflicted can be devastating!

Tip: Don't forget to avoid your own ballbearings -- they can hurt you too!

image of balloon bomb Balloon Bomb

These festive-looking balloons are anything but, for the unfortunate pilot who encounters one.

Balloons floating in the sky are usually great fun, but dangle a high-explosive bomb underneath, and suddenly the package takes on a decidedly unfriendly demeanor.

Hitting one of these balloons, or the bomb under it, will result in a large explosion, causing heavy damage to the victim, and sending nearby aircraft flying in a most alarming manner!

A surprising side-effect of balloons is their ability to absorb bullets, giving a degree of protection to pilots willing to skirt closely around them to avoid a pursuing enemy.

Tip: Balloon bombs float upwards. Drop the balloons down low to increase their chance of finding a victim.

Tip: When being pursued, flying closely around balloons may cause your tormentor to have a nasty accident.

image of banana Banana

These slippery fruit are surprisingly effective at bringing down all sorts of aircraft.

We've all had a good chuckle when a hapless individual, preferably carrying something spectacular (sheaves of loose paper, a tall pile of plates) steps on a banana peel and takes a rather large tumble.

But what most of us don't realise is that similar comedy hi-jinks are possible with airborne bananas, dropped behind an aircraft.

Unlucky aircraft that hit the banana will completely lose control of their direction, begin to slip badly, and ultimately fall inexorably to earth. Only by turning sharply to regain control, does a pilot have a hope of recovery.

This nutricious weapon bites twice. When a banana is first hit, its squashed, slippery insides will be stuck in the sky, awaiting a second unlucky victim. Usually the second hit is not quite as dangerous.

Tip: Remember bananas fall downwards, drop them higher to ensure they stay dangerous for longer.

Tip: Banana recovery can be difficult, but is often possible, especially if you hit one while climbing upwards. You may have time to turn sharply and make a full recovery.

image of black hole Black Hole

Technology breakthrough! Send your opponents packing with this new and powerful weapon.

For more than a decade, physicists have predicted the existence of a phenomenon dubbed the 'Black Hole', arising when matter is compressed to a mind-boggling density.

However the task of creating an artificial Black Hole has until recently confounded the laboratory clever-clogs. Indeed, the only possible event occurred completely by accident in a yoga class when a hippopotamus fell heavily on a young squirrel. Calculations showed the reduced rodent volume resulted in a density exceeding the critical value scientists were striving for. Furthermore the neat-edged hole that appeared in the sizeable active-wear's pant-seatal region provided the strongest evidence yet that an artifical black hole had been created, at least temporarily. Unfortunately the rodent was never located to provide confirmation. The wobbly hippo in question displayed no physical effects beyond requiring a donut-shaped cushion for several days. In any case this method was never thought to be commercially viable.

In recent months, science has found a new, more reliable way to open temporary black holes. These open a worm-hole in the space-time continuum, which suck proximate aircraft towards it. Once an aircraft is truly caught, no engine is powerful enough to escape. On disappearing into the black-hole, the aircraft will typically be spat out elsewhere, at the other end of the wormhole. Only armoured aircraft have ever been known to survive this ordeal.

Tip: Despite the obvious hazards, pilots have been known to use black holes to change direction in a way that would be aerodynamically impossible.

image of bug zapper Bug Zapper

Lay this strategically, and watch your enemies fly into your trap.

Many of us who hail from modern cities are familiar with the use of electricity for lighting streets at night. Some progressive folk even have the stuff piped into their homes, doing away with gas and candles altogether!

But less familiar, perhaps, are the offensive capabilities of this recently-harnessed force.

A pair of electrodes dropped behind one, when activated, will result in a steady spark of electrical energy - like lightning standing still. This is bad news for aircraft attempting to fly through this zone.

Aircraft attempting to pass through the zapping field will find themselves caught, fried, and shocked.

Hanging in mid-air, their aircraft badly damaged by the shock and heat, they are also sitting ducks for opportunistic shooters looking to pick off trapped aircraft. Should they manage to escape, victims will find their aircraft badly damaged, and can be glad of their lucky escape.

Tip: A well-placed vertical zapper makes life difficult for Rocket Rammers.

image of cannon Cannon

For aristocrats. For artists. For lovers of fine things.

Many beginning pilots, and even some seasoned experts who, though perhaps effective, lack something we shall call subtlety, will complain that the cannon is too hard to use. They will come home empty-handed, having fired off a multitude of cannonballs with little effect.

The cannonball artist, however, is like a sniper. Or perhaps they can be compared to a surgeon, except doing damage rather than repair.

For the cannonball afficionado, every shot counts. The power of the cannonball means that the ball will continue, unchecked, even after smashing through one or more victims. The practitioner will therefore purposely strive so that each shot may score multiple victims, if they can be lined up suitably.

The cannonball requires a certain temperament. Calm. Decisive. Devil-may-care. The archetypal cannonballer is found upside down, pipe dangling from the corner of their mouth, humming a favorite tune, steering the aircraft with one hand while lighting a match with the other -- all the while wondering what's for dinner. Thus situated, they will use their cannon with great effect whilst effecting a certain je ne sais quoi.

This cannot be taught.

Tip: Try lining up multiple victims with one shot for higher scores.

Tip: Firing upwards gives the chance of a 'lucky hit' as the cannonball falls back to earth. But watch out -- you are just as likely to hit yourself!

image of flamethrower Flamethrower

The modern aircraft consists of fabric, stretched tightly over a wooden frame, and treated with flammable nitrocellulose dope. For power, we must add gasoline and engine oil. Next, we add live ammunition.

What is this already-potent combination missing, to maximise its destructive powers?

Fire.

Some boffins question the decision to allow naked flame within 100 yards of these contraptions, where bad luck and capricious Mother Nature can conspire to harm the daring pilots nearly as often as their intended victims.

But the true aviator laughs at these timid rule-followers and relishes the chance to breathe fire like the dragons of old.

It can take a sustained blast of fire to properly ignite a victim's aircraft. But once the spark takes, there is nothing to be done... its fate is sealed.

While a victim may sometimes continue to fly for a few seconds, nothing can prevent the inevitable combustion, and fall earthwards. It's a terrifying fate; one that has pilots flee for their lives when they see spouting jets of fire across the sky.

Tip: The closer to the victim to the source of fire, the sooner they catch alight. Watch for flames buiding on their aircraft, to know if you were successful.

image of freeze ray Freeze Ray

If only you could stop your enemies in their tracks, forcing them to hang helplessly in the sky, awaiting destruction...

...well, now you can, with this authentic freeze ray!

It's all thanks to those eggheads who previously brought you gravity, and dinosaurs.

This powerful freezing technology uses R22 Freon for simple safe* low-cost freezing.

Aircraft caught in this ray are frozen in solid ice - experiencing their own mini ice-age! However, time is of the essence. If they are not destroyed while in this state, the warmth of their engine will quickly thaw them out. They will emerge damaged and spinning, but still potentially dangerous, and possibly with dreams of revenge in their heart.

*regular use of R22 may cause ozone layer depletion.

Tip: While it won't immediately destroy them, freezing does cause significant damage to aircraft. It doesn't take many bullets to finish off a frozen aircraft.

image of magnet Magnet

Carrying a powerful magnet into the sky is just good common sense.

Hold it out and watch other aircraft snap into position directly under you, unable to escape the power of science.

So you've caught some hapless opponents. What you do next is up to you! Shoot your guns, and observe the extra firepower your captives provide. Or if you prefer, carefully smash them to pieces against the ground. It's completely up to you.

Tip: The magnet power doesn't last forever. After a number of seconds (or as soon as you roll or stall) your captives will escape. Don't let this happen!

Tip: If you're caught by a magnet, there's not much you can do. But your steering does affect the flight of your captor. Use this to make their life more difficult!

image of remote bomb Remote Bomb

Launch a powerful explosion long after leaving the danger zone? It's a smart thing to do.

Release this bomb and it will just stay in the sky, ominously.

But when you're ready (or when you're shot down), the bomb is activated, blowing unsuspecting enemies all over the place.

If the force of the explosion doesn't destroy them, the resulting wave of wind will often blow them into the ground or at least out of control.

Tip: Bombs can also send objects flying. Try using your bomb to blow bananas, ballbearings, etc into your opponents!

image of rocket ram Rocket Ram

Turning your own aircraft into a weapon? What diabolical genius conceived this?

Of course, to smash opponents out of the sky, you need three things:

  • A strengthened aircraft. This is achieved via a reinforced steel cone extending from your aircraft's nose. Any other aircraft will come off second best against this.
  • Immense speed. A powerful, ahead-of-its-time rocket engine gives a temporary boost to your speed, ensuring that you can catch up to anything that flies, and send it flying in a most pleasing fashion.
  • A precise aim. Many a pilot has come unstuck on this essential requirement. An inexperienced pilot may find themselves launching upwards into the blue yonder, well beyond the battlefield, as though they hoped to discover first-hand whether the moon is actually made of cheese! Even worse, pointing downwards at this speed may have one digging a crater before one is able to utter 'Oh, drat!'

Tip: Fly horizontally to maintain control of the aircraft. Steer very gently!

image of stinky fish Stinky Fish

A nice surpise if you have some pesky opponent on your tail.

It was Captain O'Malley who first had the idea to carry buckets of old fish into the sky. His chums, initially skeptical, were quickly convinced on the merits of this weapon.

By flinging a handful of these objectionable items behind him, O'Malley was able to quickly bring down an enemy aircraft which he had been unable to shake from his tail.

The fish cause damage to propellors, airframes, and engines. They also play havoc with pilots - a rotten fish in the face is a sure sign you are having a bad day. Even a long soak in the tub will have trouble removing the stench, despite vigorous scrubbing.

Tip: Even without an opponent directly on one's tail, the fish still make a useful weapon. Simply fling them into the battle, and watch your opponents work overtime to dodge the alarming objects.